the women in the head wrap, and pain

Last night, I had the craziest dreams. I dreamt of seeing this African women at the pool. I wanted to know what she was doing. I kept talking to her, and found out she was shooting a video for a movie. I had no idea. I remember she was extremely dark, dark as night, with elaborate, bright colors that covered her entire body. She was sad in a way. Her face, beautiful. Had a had wrap, and a tiny toned frame. She had to carry, like a ritual this mat and umbrella in as if she was carrying royalty. I wanted to help her, and she was so thankful. We had to trek through sand, and I remember she had a hard time telling me directly what the mat was used for. I kept guessing, and she made me feel so idiotic for not understanding what she was trying to tell me. I kept thinking the mat was supposed to go around the umbrella, and then I finally guessed that it was for the person to sit on. DUH!! I felt so stupid, and from that point, brought up how much I hated feeling stupid growing up, up until now. I never like feeling dumb in situations. I recalled telling her examples of that feeling growing up. When someone tells a joke and you pretend you get it, and you don't. Then someone calls you out.. And you feel that pain, that hot flash of sweat and blush wash over your face of someone catching you in a moment of feeling lost, and not a part of the rest. Unlike the whole, the different, stupid one. Hmmmm something for my waking mind to ponder. I had many more after that, about sneaking into my house to avoid telling my mom where I was... the confrontation I hated coming up against. Hiding, and leaving my duffle bag at a friends house and having to much shame to go over there and grab it back from her... Very interesting.